remembered kisses after death
by scydia
Summary: if home if truly where the heart is, simon's heart must be buried right besides with hers. (a simon!centric one shot about life after izzy)


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters listed below, The Mortal Instruments Series or Alfred Tennyson's poem 'Tears, Idle Tears'.

Alright, so this is just a little something I wrote over the summer and also my first fanfic! The title is from the Tennyson poem 'Tears, Idle Tears'. So please leave comments even if it's really simple or really rude- feedback is feedback! Thanks for reading!

They say goodbye every time they leave for battle. They've both accepted that one day she's going to die (or maybe he hasn't), and he won't. And soon enough one day, too soon for him, the goodbye becomes their last. She dies how she wanted to go- fighting. She's only 24, but after all thegood die young. Watching everyone he's ever known die will be too much for him, so he leaves. It is so simply selfish and so unhealthy, but it may be even more selfish and unhealthy to watch his loved ones leave.

He leaves their home, Rebecca, and two tiny infants and moves from empty hotel room to empty hotel room, stopping once for Clary's wedding. Blood tastes fresh from veins, but random attacks on tall, black-haired girls may leave questions he's not ready to answer. There she tells him Izzy didn't want this for him, to be alone for all of eternity, but he pushes it aside. He loved her, and his heart broke and he can't go through that again, and he _knows_ he can _**never**_ love again. Not the way he loved her. _Never again_.

Years come and go, and everyone he knew from his previous life is gone. Except Magnus. He visits him, and they talk. Magnus knows, after all he's been living the same pattern for centuries before Simon. Sometimes there can be temporary comfort found in shared burdens, he realizes, after sharing a meal with the warlock. He visits his old life, glimpses of the past where his house used to be, his school, her favorite places, their memories. He visits Clary's great great great great grandchildren, who are amazed by his long life (curse).

Eventually he decides to stay in one place, moving and leaving has torn some part of his soul. New York is too painful, too many lost loves, too many lost friends. He chooses Paris, the lights remind him of her's, always burning, the history of their own. He stays in multiple hotels, usually in a suite after using fascination on a mundane. Eternity was much longer than he could ever anticipate. The worlds developed since he had been around, but it seems broken and shattered to him. He assumes that by now he should live with his own kind, but even if he was with them, he'd be an anomaly, an anomaly with leverage over others, but still an anomaly.

He decides finally one day, to see his own descendants, the ones that he and her had because of the angelic blood in his system. He understands that the future will be impossible to face if he cannot even face his past. He **abandoned** his children. He loved them, two little twin girls. He had left them with the intent that he could never care for them if he could not even care for himself. Two little ones he had abandoned, the ones he couldn't bear to look at, the ones he wished he'd have stayed for. New York is where the Lightwoods would never leave. He knows that Alec and Jace could not leave their home, where their brother and sister grew with them. Each of them was fiercely loyal, and some things **do not die with time**.

The children are stunned to be able to meet their ancestor. They ask him of his time, and he reveals the story. One of them looks exactly like her, down to the pin straight midnight- colored hair and big brown-black eyes. Pain no longer burns through his chest, but rather some feeling he cannot put his feeling on, that she lives on in some way or another. Some of their pictures show of children who resembled her brothers or surprisingly, one of him. As he turns to leave, saying thank you, they ask him to stay.

Ask him to stay with them, he laughs bitterly at the irony of it all, but accepts, surprising himself. Through eternity, he watches their generations, the ones that continued with his own bloodline. They become larger in number, and something in his heart grows larger at the thought of these children. He becomes "Uncle Simon" and he's able to love again. Not in the way he thought of, but love is love and one form can not be prioritized over another. This he realizes while looking at a picture of Lightwood parabatai, tall twin girls. And _**never again** _will he live without love.


End file.
